Since I’m trying to not write too much about the pros, I was hoping to ignore the Presidents Cup both on television and here. But I did watch just enough to be reminded how dull professional golf can be. Yes, there were exceptions—Tiger’s shotmaking on Saturday, for example—but such events inevitably become putting contests, which, even when for eagles, are soporific.
Another exception was the Mickelson-O’Hair/Singh-Clark four-ball match late on Saturday, which went to 18 where neither team was able to birdie and finished all square. (And how come the shortest hitter on either team, Clark, is the most fun to watch? Oops, answered my own question.) That match was proof enough for me that the Olympics should be played as four-ball matches, making it both a team event and infinitely more interesting that a 72-hole stroke-play event. Also, since the World Cup seems to have disappeared (perhaps Boo Weekley got it with his shotgun?), team golf in the Olympics would fill an international void.
But my biggest question about the Presidents Cup is, where’s the apostrophe? Shouldn’t it be “Presidents’” or, less likely, “President’s”? I seem to remember this being asked when the Cup was introduced 15 or so years ago, and I thought there even was resolution. Look at the fancy logo (such as on the official site) and there’s a little serif (sorry, doohickey) hanging off the line that crosses the small “T” at the end of Presidents that looks like an apostrophe embarrassed to be there. Compared to the tedium of the matches themselves, this issue of punctuation is riveting stuff.
And while I’m on a pedantic language rant, here—thanks to an old friend now living in Germany—are some attempts at humor from foreigners mangling the English language. A kick-start to sluggish minds not sure if Columbus Day is really a holiday or not.
English Signs from Around the World
In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge , Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .
Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel , Yugoslavia :
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel , Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE
CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany ‘s Black Forest :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME
